


How She Looks

by KeithMeLance



Series: The Way They Are [2]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Happy Ending, M/M, POV Jean Kirstein, Romance, Secret Crush
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-15
Updated: 2020-08-14
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:55:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24743449
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KeithMeLance/pseuds/KeithMeLance
Summary: Jean had a big crush.Her name was Mikasa, and she was the girl of his dreams.He had planned to confess his love to her on Valentine's day.Everything seemed perfect.Until a series of unplanned events screwed everything up.
Relationships: Marco Bott & Jean Kirstein, Marco Bott/Jean Kirstein, Mikasa Ackerman & Jean Kirstein
Series: The Way They Are [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1789249
Comments: 2
Kudos: 16





	1. The Crush

**Author's Note:**

> New fic who dis? 
> 
> Please read [Marco's POV](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24743260/chapters/59819443) to understand the story better ^_^
> 
> Hope you'll enjoy it!

Jean had a big crush.

For a while now. It started when he got into high school. He immediate knew it was love, no questions asked. The butterfly in the stomach, blushing, stuttering, the sweaty hands, everything led to love.

Her name was Mikasa. And she was the girl of his dreams.

She had gorgeous shining black hair and deep dark eyes. This girl was the strongest person he ever met. She was impressive in many ways: her intelligence, her strength, her attitude... She was athletic and smart, not a show-off. She would never talk about herself, she let her actions speak. Jean found her mysterious aura quite attractive.

The only thing that was keeping him from asking her out, was her brother, Eren. First, he was overly protective towards her, like she was to him. They were always hanging together. Second, Jean felt like she was out of his reach. Too good to be his girlfriend.

But one day, he gathered all his courage to ask her, which was not much. On Valentine’s day because it’s so cliché it’s not anymore, like records. No one declared their love on that day anymore. Moreover, Eren mentioned once she liked romantic and cheesy stuff. Although he didn’t go the full way: no flowers, only chocolates. And not a lot, otherwise she would think he wanted her to get fat.

To avoid any embarrassment, he told nobody about his crush. Not even his best friend since childhood, Marco. That was his secret and he was determined to keep it for himself. He wanted Mikasa to be the first person to know. How romantic.

On the morning of February the 14th, he woke up earlier than usual. To make himself look better. He took a long hot shower, mostly to ease the stress. Thankfully, he managed to sleep so the dark circles under his eyes disappeared. He combed his hair, sprayed a little bit of perfume on his neck and add two sprays of Axe. Fingers gun with the mirror, then he was ready to go.

“Good morning Jean!” said his mother as he entered the kitchen. She had prepared a delicious-looking breakfast.

“Morning!”

“Oh, what is it? You got dressed up? Is today a special day?”

“Mom!”

“Okay, I get it.” She grinned at her son. “I guess it has nothing to do with the chocolates you’ve bought and today’s special date.”

“No, not at all.”

She laughed and ruffled his hair. Jean pestered, but inside he was happy. Nothing could touch him on that day.

He had the impression of flying on his way to Trost high school. The chocolate and the letter for Mikasa in his bag were his wings. The rehearsal of that day he played in his head a thousand times was going on one more time. He knew nothing would happen the way he planned it to be. No, he hoped it would be better. Better than what he imagined. Even though he wasn’t optimistic in general. But maybe Mikasa liked the optimistic kind of guy.

When he arrived at school, he immediately took his stuff from his locker, then he waited in front of the entrance. He didn’t want to miss Mikasa on this important day. He would look dumb if she didn’t show up that day specifically. Armin, always early at school arrived, followed by Sasha. The three started speaking about this morning’s history test, which had got out of Jean’s head.

They were later joined by Marco, who appeared more tired than usual to Jean. Yes, he was tired pretty much all the time since he had to take care of his siblings. In addition with the insane amount of homework they had. And for that, Jean admired him. Marco had worked more in 17 years than Jean would do in 30. He jumped in the conversation like he had been there since the start. Socializing was one of his best skills, which Jean longed to have.

Mikasa arrived at school five minutes before the first period. Jean felt relieved, he didn’t know what he would’ve done if she wasn’t here. He prepared himself for that day, and that day only. It couldn’t happen any other day.

She noticed Jean staring at her. Anyone else would’ve smiled or waved, but she didn’t. She squinted and kept walking toward Eren. Jean sighed; he couldn’t bear him. Not only because he attracted Mikasa too much, Jean thought he was a jerk in general. _What does Mikasa see in him? I’m way better._

During class, he dreamt of her, of her silk black hair and how it would feel in his hand. He had always wanted to touch it, way before he fell in love with her. Maybe even played with it. Although her hair wasn’t long enough to braid it. _Maybe in a few years she would have hair long enough to do different hairstyles._

He also dream of taking her to his favorite places, like this restaurant his parents and him went a lot before they divorced. Or to the arcade he and Marco were spending their days during summer in middle school. Or just to the movies. Anything was fine, as long as he could be with her.

For the entire morning, he thought about her. And only about her. She was more important than a math class. The only time he ever let her get out of his mind was at lunch with Marco and Connie.

“Are you okay dude?”

Connie wasn’t good when it came to mind his own business. He kept stuffing his nose into situations he wasn’t part of. In addition with his undying passion for drama. He and Sasha were the gossipiest person Jean has ever known. No one knew how they had so much information about everything that was going on.

“Yeah,” He lied. That was one of the thing he was most proud of: the way he easily lied to everyone and anything. “It’s just… I think I’m a bit sick.”

 _That would do it._ The thing about lies is, even if the people he’s talking to know he’s lying, they won’t say a word. They must think he has a good reason to lie, or they don’t care at all then it was a good way to get rid of them.

“Well, you look as pale as a vampire.” Insisted Connie. “Maybe you should go to the infirmary.”

“No, I’ll be fine.” He thought his answer was sharp enough to make the boy go silent. But Connie could take more than that.

“Dude, you have a reason to skip the test, take it!”

Of course, for him skipping a test is a chance, not a burden. But for Jean, the test itself was a chance. A chance to do better than all the incompetents in his class. And maybe if he was smart enough, Mikasa will notice him.

“I’m fine. And taking a test isn’t something that’ll bother me.”

And Connie finally shut up. Marco, who didn’t say a word, was looking at him. He tried to murmur something, but Jean didn’t understand so he just nodded, hoping Marco would roll with it.

He did, and Jean went back to his Mikasa fantasy. His mind drifted to all the possibilities. And maybe he dreamt of different futures for them, but one thing was sure. Nothing would ever be the same after that day.

 _What would our kids look like?_ Jean had tried several program to morph their faces together, but it always end up extremely bad. But he hoped they would have her hair or her eyes, and why not both. They had to inherit Mikasa’s feature, because he had nothing good to offer.

As expected, Jean aced the history test that afternoon. He wrote correctly all the answers for the first ten minutes and got bored for the remaining time. _I’m not pretentious, I’m just better than everyone else._

He leaned back on his chair and stretched out his legs under the desk. There was no noise in the room, every student was focused on the test. Every student but Marco was watching idly in front of him. Jean thought he hadn’t studied enough because he must have been too busy taking care of his family. To get Marco’s attention, he stepped on his foot. And with his big generosity, Jean silently offered the answers to Marco.

And he declined. _He declined? What is wrong with him?_ Jean frowned at him, but his attention was back on the sheet as if nothing happened. Jean mumbled to himself, this boy had definitely some problems. Maybe he should talk about it with him later. But not today. Today was Mikasa day, and he wasn’t going to let his chance go away.

When the period ended, Jean was reassured to see that Marco had wrote something on his paper. He wasn’t a complete dumbass after all. Unlike Connie, who complained all the way to math class that he didn’t even get one thing right.

Last period of the day, and Jean was even more excited. Although, he had to do his best to hide it, no one could know about what he planned to do. He had told Marco he had to see one of his teacher about some work, so he wouldn’t be able to go home with him. _The perfect plan._

He was surprised no one else confessed on that day. It was Valentine’s day, dammit! Whatever, it would make his declaration of love more special. And maybe Mikasa would have thought if he was brave enough to confess, he might be worth it.

The school’s bell rang, and Jean’s heart thumped in his chest at the same time. _It’s now._ He didn’t run out of the classroom, that would’ve have been suspicious. He knew Mikasa was at the lab at that time, and it would take her more time to reach her locker. So he walked peacefully and confidently in the hallway. Reiner and Berthold greeted him, both smiling like they ate a clown, but Jean just walked past them. They weren’t important that day. Still, Jean found himself smiling as he arrived at the lockers. He stopped immediately when he saw Mikasa. 

She was still inside, talking with Sasha. It wasn’t part of Jean’s plan, but it could make things easier for him. She was distracted. He just had to slip the letter in her locker without being seen. She always opened it before leaving, to drop some books. She couldn’t miss the pink envelope and the note inside it.

Jean then walked to the back of the school calmly. That was in complete contrast of what was going on inside him. His heart was thumping in his chest. When he arrived at the meeting point, he leaned against tree, the leaves shielding him from the late afternoon sun. That was really romantic, well as romantic as a school can get.

Then, he finally heard footsteps coming towards him. He quickly fix his hair and tugged on his jacket. _Gotta look the best for her._ He wishes to have a mirror to check himself out, but that’ll do it like it is.

The footsteps got closer, and Jean’s breath was accelerating. His palms were getting sweaty, so he wiped it on his jeans. In case she take his hands. Then he swayed his head over, to look even cooler.

“Hello, you…” he tried seductively before recognizing the person he was talking to. “Marco?”


	2. The Lie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! I'm back!
> 
> Don't forget to check [Marco's POV](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24743260/chapters/62927413) of this chapter!
> 
> And if you want more JeanMarco stuff, you can take a look at my [Tumblr](https://keithmelance.tumblr.com/)

“I can explain!”

“What the hell are you doing here Marco?”

It wasn’t supposed to be Marco here. The other boy had absolutely no reason to be here. Jean was sure to have put his letter in the right locker, and to be sure to write Mikasa’s name on it. There was no way someone else could have taken it, even by mistake.

 _So why is Marco here?_ The only rational explanation Jean could think of was that Marco followed him there, maybe to find out who was Jean’s crush.

“I… Ugh…I came here to…”

Marco stuttering wasn’t something you saw every day. He didn’t get embarrassed easily.

“It’s strange…” Jean murmured to himself, but unfortunately, Marco heard.

“What’s strange?”

Now it was Jean’s turn to be embarrassed. He couldn’t say he was there waiting for Mikasa, who didn’t show up. He would have looked like a pathetic loser who couldn’t get a girl.

“Uh…I…No, forget it, it’s nothing.”

And once more, the silence fell on both of them. Jean started to pick up the tension there was between them, like there was thing left unsaid. Funny because they promised to tell each other the truth when they were kids.

“I came here to talk with Mikasa,” Marco suddenly burst out.

Jean stopped breathing and almost fell on the ground. Marco? And Mikasa? How couldn’t he see that coming? Of course Marco had a crush on Mikasa, she was perfect in every way. HE wouldn’t be surprised if at least half of the school was crushing on Mikasa. But hey, at least Marco didn’t know Jean loved her. And with that revel, it had to stay that way.

_Quick, be natural._

“Mikasa, huh?” he said while trying to look smug.

“Hey, don’t judge me.”

No, he wasn’t judging, he was trying to understand how he missed it. Shit, that was his best friend and his crush, the two people he thought about most.

“Nah, man she is awesome…” Jean slipped. “Ugh, I mean, she’s really cool.”

“So…Umm…Have you seen her?”

“No,” answered Jean. “I think she got back home dude.”

At that point, it was the only thing he could hold on. If Jean had no chance to talk to her, then so would Marco. And since she didn’t come to his little rendezvous, it was a safe bet to say she got home without checking on her locker.

“Oh. That’s a shame.”

“Yeah…”

No that wasn’t a shame, that was his chance. His chance to win some time before Marco confessed to her. And Jean knew Marco. That boy melted the heart of everyone he met. It was like he had magic around him that made everyone loves him.

“Should we…” Marco stuttered. “Go home?”

“Like together?” Jean asked, surprised by this question coming out of nowhere.

“Yeah, it’s been a while since we walked home, just the two of us.”

He was right. This last year, they had hanged less and less together, spending more time with other people. They still got along well thought, but they really need to take some time for them, for their friendship. And even if they were now rivals, Jean wouldn’t let him go away for that. Bros before hoes like they say.

“Okay. But I need to go to my locker first.” More specifically to Mikasa’s locker. He needed to get his letter back. It had nothing to do with Marco, it was just better if she never found it, because if she did, she would try to find who it was to apologize for not coming.

“No prob.”

Jean started walking back to the lockers. He thought about how he could be better than Marco to win Mikasa’s heart, but without letting the other boy know. That was going to be hard, Marco was one of the smartest, most athletic, nicest, most good-looking guy he ever met. Topping him wasn’t going to be easy.

Maybe it would have been better for everyone if he just let Marco win Mikasa’s heart and forgot about her. About them. He would have to cut ties with both of them if that happened, but that wasn’t exactly what he wanted. _Why everything has to be so complicated?_

Without realizing Jean stopped walking abruptly, which caused Marco to crash into him.

“Jean?” he asked.

“Ah, sorry. Got lost in my thoughts.”

He dismissed the question with a wave of the hand but didn’t resumed walking. His thought were too deep on how he had no chance against Marco Bodt, aka the perfect human being.

“Jean, are you okay?”

And now he was worried about him, no but seriously he was so annoyingly perfect.

“Yes, don’t worry.”

“You’ve been acting strange today…”

“It’s nothing, let’s go.”

Jean had never been a good actor, and that day he had no other choice but to do with the little experience of acting that consist of a school’s play back when he was seven.

He was left with a problem. Not to guess Mikasa’s locker 4 digit code, he knew what it was, no matter how much it displeased him that she chose Eren’s birthday. His problem was to do it without Marco seeing him. How could he possibly explain why he needed to go to Mikasa’s locker? And why did Marco choose that day to ask to go home with him? _Argh, fuck._

Noting believable came to his mind. Maybe if he came earlier than everyone else the next day, he had a chance to get the letter before anyone notice. Hell that solution was better.

“You know what Marco? Fuck it, let’s forget the locker. It’s not important.”

Marco agreed, and they changed directions to leave the school. Jean felt a bit relief, but he knew it could be mission impossible to get the letter next morning. Gladly, he knew exactly at what time Mikasa arrived at school every day. Yeah, it was a bit creepy, but hey it could also be useful in times like these.

As they walked out of their school, Jean tried to keep the letter out of his mind. He didn’t have to stress too much over it, otherwise he wouldn’t be able to do anything. Hoping it would distract himself from his problems.

“What happened to you during the test?” Jean asked curiously. Although the answer appeared clearly in his head. Marco must have been thinking about Mikasa, about telling her how much he loved her…That wasn’t helping him at all.

“I thought I had forgotten some stuff. I guess it’s the pressure that made me panic a little. Anyway, thank you for wanting to help me.”

And what’s more he was lying? Well, Jean couldn’t be mad at him for that, he was lying to him too. Oh yeah, they were great friends.

“It’s nothing dude, you know you can always count on me.” Jean answered. At that moment, he thought about the idiom: “keep your friends close, and your enemies even closer”.

“Thank you.”

Jean tried to keep the conversation going, maybe it would make him momentarily forget about Mikasa if he talked enough with Marco.

“Sounds like both of us had a rough day, huh?” he tried.

“Yeah, I can’t wait to just plop on the couch and relax.”

“Same. I have this new game for my PS4, you should come over some day to try it out.” Jean spontaneously said. He had found back his old habits just by hanging with Marco a few minutes. These old habits consisting in playing video games together until the end of the night.

“I’ll be glad.”

Jean remembered how he liked to have Marco around when he was little. He was an only child, and when his mother wasn’t there, well, it could get lonely really quick. Having Marco coming over was a way to feel less alone, even if he did like him.

“And I’ll bring snacks.” Added Marco with a grin. That was something like an old habit too. Marco used to get super embarrassed to be invited to Jean’s house, he would bring cookies, sodas, or anything with him.

“Hell yeah!”

The thought about spending a night playing games and eating chips with Marco somehow made Jean realized that he could be missing his friend. His mom always said friends are the most important thing in the world. And Jean had been neglected his very best friend. But he got a chance to make it back to him.

So, on the way home, he insisted to stop at a coffee shop. Because Jean needed his caramel cappuccino (yeah he was one of _these people_ ), and also because he wanted to buy a little something to cheer up Marco.

“Do you want a muffin?” he asked while waiting for his coffee to be made.

“Ah, no I don’t have any money…”

“Don’t worry, I’ll pay.”

“You don’t have to, Jean…”

“Tch, it makes me happy.”

And he did also make Marco happy to get a free chocolate muffin. Jean enjoyed seeing him eating it with a smile on his face, a smile he felt like he hadn’t seen for a while and it was making him look radiant. And if Marco was happy, then Jean was happy, everyone was happy.

“You see that Marco?” he said while waving around his half-eaten muffin.

“Yeah? It’s a muffin.”

“Not it’s bitesize paradise.” Jean explained. “A single crumb of it can send you above the sky.”

“Pfft, you sound like you’re high.” He laughed.

“I’m high on muffin.” Jean said, proud he made Marco laugh.

Then he preceded to take a giant bite of his muffin, to illustrate his saying. He couldn’t help but puff up his cheeks, which made Marco laugh even more. Jean hoped he was really making Marco feel a little bit better, to make him take a break in his life. He has noticed the small disappearance of the boy’s smile and laugh lately.

Gladly, he managed to have fun with him until they got to Marco’s house. Jean didn’t even notice, but he forgot about Mikasa. Who knew the solution to forget your crush was to spend time with your rival?

“Thank you Jean. For going home with me.” Marco said on his doorstep.

“Well you know, it’s normal. And we haven’t hanged with each other for a while.”

“It’s true. We should do that more often.”

“Well then, goodbye Marco.” Jean said, starting to walk away.

“Goodbye. Oh and say hi to your mom for me!”

“It’ll brighten up her day to hear about her second son!” An old joke neither of them had forgotten.

The way home alone seemed much harder to Jean. It was supposed to be the shortest part before arriving home, but it felt like the longest. Maybe it was because Marco wasn’t there anymore to brighten up the streets with his smile.

When Jean got home, his mom was already there, sitting on the couch and watching TV.

“Hey Jean! How was school?”

“Fine. I think I did good at the history test.”

“Well, tell me, did you find love today?” she said with a grin.

Jean froze on the spot. He couldn’t tell her about the fiasco his declaration was. He couldn’t also tell her that his best friend had his eyes on the same girl as him. It was the worst Valentine’s day ever.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” he simply answered, before going to his bedroom.

He hadn’t known a lot of failures in his life, but this one, was definitely making it into the top 10. High enough to make him lay on his bed for an hour, thinking about the meaning of life or if he would ever find someone.

Marco had it easy. He was the perfect guy, soon he would have the perfect girlfriend, and they’d make perfect children and have a perfect life. While Jean would rot alone in his tears.

He had no idea what to do. His brain was telling him to give up and let Marco get the happiness he deserve, but his heart was telling him to try and maybe have a chance with Mikasa. But if he dates Mikasa, wouldn’t that hurt Marco? And that was the last thing Jean wanted. God, he wished he had someone to talk to. That was the price of keeping his secret safe.

He tried to shove away these thought to focus on the only that mattered. Creating a plan to get back the letter from Mikasa’s locker without getting caught.

Yes, things were more complicated that they needed to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, commenting and leaving kudos!
> 
> Take care of you <3


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